My Glass Doll
by WerewolfGirl
Summary: Yamato wants to be free from the pressures of his life. But faith steps in and sends Jyou to help the young rock star. Warnings inside. POV of both involed. COMPLETED
1. Break Like Glass

_Yamato wants to be free from the pressures of his life so chooses to stop his.But fate steps in and sends help to the rock star to piece him back together. POV of both involved._

_**Contains: Attempted Suicide,Depression,Language,Shounen Ai.**_

_**Created: 3rd May 2003**_

**Disclaimer:** Yeah ,yeah have to do one of these. I don't own Digimon nor the characters used (sucks huh?) DON'T SUE PLEASE! Hehehe What another Jyouto/Yamajyou ficcie from me? Can't you tell I love them ;) I wonder if there are any other fans looks Oh well enjoy J+Y fans WARNING Some language is used is about attempted suicide, contains blood and more blood! Broken families, depression, the use of drugs plus have Yaoi flavour throughout. Deicated to: Waaaa! This has taken me a year to write the first chapter! This is for the three/two people who helpped me with this idea and all those who helped me last year(2002) LOVE YOU 3

**RE-UPLOADING FICTION. **_This had so many reviews before it was deleted >( But it's back again! My favourite and personal fanfictin to date._

By werewolfgirl

* * *

**My Glass Doll**

**Chapter 1 Break like Glass.**

Late evening and I finally get home, unlocking the door apartment's door and stepping inside not closing the door fully behind me. I kicked off my shoes in a disorderly fashion against the step and threw my green blazer and school bag in a heap. I didn't care if I was being messy even if my dad and me where on an agreement to keep the place tidy, we both will just mess it up again in a month's time. I'd just come home from another concert normally I would be on a high for hours but recently I've lost all love and passion for what I do. I don't get the pleasure I usually get off it, I'm normally on a buzz for hours afterwards and go off for a drink later with my band members even if we where underage to have alcohol but that's what performing does it makes us not care for the rules. But now I get out on stage and I perform as I usual but deep in my heart I don't feel like it all I'm doing is wearing a mask for my adoring fans I'm lying to them all. brI'm not their sexy blond rock god they see when they see me on stage singing my soul out to them and playing up just to get the crowd worked up, blow kisses to the screaming fan girls all yelling my name in a roar of noise. In tears as I start off one of the heart moving love songs I had written or jump as high as they can when we really set of some rocky beat to grab and embrace me in their arms. I loved that but not anymore now when I go one stage I feel nothing for that crowd of people all paid money to see me and my band and call my name, I feel nothing for the words I'm singing I feel nothing at all about anything. I'm numb the over welling passion I had to be loved and to show off my talent has died in me like the flame of creativity has been blown out.

I walk over to my bedroom door and just put in my guitar just inside as I turn on my socked feet to the kitchen area to grab a drink as I did not go off drinking with the boys today. I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and took the Fruit Juice out of the fridge and poured myself a drink, watching the orange liquid starting to chill the glass on impact as I poured. I did not bother myself to put the juice carton back in the fridge and walked over the seating area and slumped on the sofa taking a long draft from my glass. My eyes turned and looked at the side table next to me, the fading sunlight from the window gently poured into the room going everything a rich warm glow and highlighted the glass on the frames. Dad had become quite proud of his new rock star son that there were photos of me of all different ages starting back at me with my same sapphire blue eyes and golden locks. I smiled softly to myself as I looked at the photo only taken two months ago of Dad and me. Father and son arms around each other, Father laughing eyes full of pride embracing his innocently smiling son. Another photographs beside that one in a silver frame, a picture telling another story of the past. A woman sitting down smiling up with a sweet seductive smile for the person behind the camera holding two young blonde haired and blue eyes boys each with big grins on their angelic faces. The only photograph in this house that I know of with my mother in it, the picture taken by my father 2 or 3 years before the divorce that torn our happy little family in too.

If it was not for that I would always be with my little brother instead of having to visit or get permission to stay the night we could be a normal family and me and Takeru could go to the same school. Not that that was a place I was happy with being in either. School pressure was mounting up upon me major exams where coming up and teachers where coming back to us with huge amounts of homework and nagging for us to cram as much of their subjects mindless crap into our heads. So the workloads and the hour upon hour-long lettuces was making us into mindless zombies and taking away any of our free time. Plus this did not help me at all my band members didn't seem to bothered with band practice, performances and getting homework in on time. I seemed to be the only one cracking under the pressure. That photograph those carefree and happy days where had they gone from my life? Couldn't I just rewind time just for a moment back to when I was five again and live my happy ways as I did play with Takeru in the park and enjoy both my parents love being showered onto me. But it is impossible to go back in time but also there was no way of stopping time either just to stop all these things in my life and chill out for a moment without my mind accidentally wondering into those thoughts.

Sighing I places my half empty glass on the small table only to have been misjudged the space on it and knocking one of the picture frames onto the floor. I jumped slightly in surprise the twinkling noise of braking glass waking me to my senses and what I just had done. I huffed alittle angrily at myself for being so clumsy and got down on to the pale floor on my hands and knees to clean up the mess. Turning over the picture frame I see spider webs of cracks in the glass and shards of it over the floor and there I saw yet again the smiling faces of Takeru, mum and me. I sighed a little dreamily if only I could do that for a second just break into pieces and lie on the ground where no one will be able to put me back together. There I will be broken in tiny bits happy to be free of the burden of life, if only it was so easy to break like glass. What was there now to stop me doing so right now? I could break all humans are fragile too I can break and be at easy for a moment and no one will bother me. Dad's at work and will not be home for hours and not like I get many visitors. Just for an hour to be free to be unchained for the world around me and be free, to set myself free like a white dove trapped in a dull iron cage.

I placed the picture frame back on the floor without a second glance to it and picked up the largest shard of glass that lay in front of me, I slid backwards so my back rested against the chair and held the glass up the fading light from the window. It glimmered and sparkled so beautifully that it brought a small smile to my face. Unbuttoning the cuff of my white school shirt pushed the material up my arm to my elbow revealing my creamy white skin and the wrist of my right hand. So slowly I lowered the sharpest edge to my skin and pushed pressure onto it and cut along my wrist. As soon as the edge pieced my skin a burning pain shot up my arm causing me to cry out once it had been dragged along my wrist, in anger of my pain I threw the shard across the room causing it to shatter. Breathing heavily from the pain I held up my right wrist in front of my eyes, the thick red liquid of life flowed down my arm from my wound, dripping onto the floor around me and running down my arm in a trickle so it was staining my white shirt. All I could do was blankly stare at this and smile and laugh to myself, I had done it I was free my blood was going away from me it was escaping I was free at last. No more worries all I had to do was lie here for a while and feel the burdens that where on my shoulder lift off.

I was coming home from the library again I was working late but I had got out of school late again, medical school was indeed annoying sometimes but it was what my father wanted me to be a doctor. I didn't want to be a doctor I still no sure if I want to or not but I was studying anyway. I walked past the apartment block Yamato Ishida lived in and thought that it would not hurt to stop and see if my old friend was in, surly the blonde teenager would not mind me see how he was it had been a while since I had seen him. He was always so busy with his band that the last time our group was meant to meet up Ishida didn't even turn up but sent all his apologies and love to us all. I'd walked past this building three times this week this was the fourth but I just had the feeling deep inside myself nagging me to go and visit him at once. Well I walked up the concrete steps to his floor wondering why I had this feeling that I must go and see him, he might not be even at home either.

I turned the corner and walked past five doorways until I reach the door of apartment 202, Yamato's apartment, the door was open ajar. Odd I curiously held the door handle and knocked politely on the door before opening it and calling out. "Hello?" No reply back I looked down and noticed Yamato school things in an untidy pile well that answered my question if Yamato was home or not. "Yamato?"

I felt uneasy for a moment should I go further in and check his room to see if he was in there and he hadn't heard me call but he was adored by girls everywhere I didn't want to go in there in case he had company. Oh well I was willing to be embarrassed alittle if that where to happen, I walked further into the apartment minding to take my shoes off at the door I ended up stopping dead in my tracks and at once feel my jaw drop.

There in front of my eyes I could see my dear young friend head back resting on the seat of the chair eyes closed lying in a pool of crimson red blood. Oh lord what had happened here? I rushed forwards my hands grabbing each of his broad shoulder and looking at him shaking his shoulders just alittle to grab his attention, I held my hand up against his cheek to hold his face up so I could see it more clearly. "Yamato"! Yamato! What's happened here? Oh god your freezing Yamato! Can you hear me?"

I murmured alittle as I heard someone call and then starting to shake me awake and talk to me in some fast panic tone. Slowly I willed myself to open my eyes waking myself up from alittle dream world of pure relaxation I was in to look at the face in front of me, to took me a moment for my eyes to focus the face. Long navy blue hair, liquid black eyes so deep to look into and glasses and the to wearing height over me, no one else could be this person my dear Kido Jyou. I smiled softly though the muscles in my face felt so tired they didn't feel like they where working to me, I don't know how long I had been lying in my mini dream world but his panicked voice and questions I could not answer. "Have you ever wanted to break?" I asked him I didn't know why I said it that was just the first thing in my mouth from my brain, I didn't care much for the answer I could feel myself being free and this feeling was great nothing more to worry about anymore.

I looked at Yamato relieved that he was indeed awake but the expression he wore was that of someone who had just woken up or was just about to fall asleep. This was no a good sign we had been taught to make sure an injured person does not go to sleep. By the feel of his skin he was already cold I don't know how long he must have been here but it looked like he had lost a lot of blood. I didn't answer his question he asked of me all I could do was look at me and they see his poor slashed wrist; I could feel my heart break. This was a suicide attempt, but why I knew Yamato had issues in the past but I thought he had sorted them all out. Last time I saw him he was happy what had happened what had made him try and take his own life. This realisation was starting to eat up at me inside I never thought I would be in a situation where I would me et an Suicidal patient or even see my friends in this state but where I was kneeling next to Yamato spilling his blood all over the carpet.

I was about to ask him why when I heard footsteps behind me only to turn and see Mr Ishida right behind me the look of poor shock and terror on his face and also a mixture of anger in there as well. He must have worked out by sight what had happened or something to that sort. "What the hell! Yamato what have you done you stupid boy, what are you doing killing yourself!" He roared. I had never seen Yamato's father yell at him like that before he was angry I could tell he walked over to stand over his son. I looked from Mr Ishida's face to his son who was looking upwards at him his youthful face changing from a dull expression into a scowl. Mr Ishida walked up very close to the side of Yamato glaring back at the blond youth.

I stood looking at Jyou's face all I could do was stare into those ink black eyes of his and his long blue hair until I got distracted by my father shouting at me. Killing myself what the hell did he mean I was freeing myself that's all only for an hour or so, not ending my own life? I glance down at my wrist and all I could see was blood all over my hand fall out of a long medium deep wound of my torn up flesh I could feel the numbing pausing pain coming from it. It was true I was killing myself, the blood my precious life fluid was slowly pumping out of my body, I could see myself dying in front of it. How could death feel like this so pleasurable to be free, I wanted to feel like this and so death was to keep this carefree feeling I choose death! I looked at my father the sun light before me was highlighting his few grey hairs in his short brown hair, he didn't understand me at all. "I'm not stupid! It's my life I can choose what I do in it so I should also be able to choose when I leave it… I want this leave me alone let me be free!" I yelled at him though my voice cracked slightly on pain and a cough, as I seemed to have no energy in my voice to go that loud. Shaking got to my feet and went to walk away from me but he grabbed my right arm just above the elbow making me growl back at him as me spoke in a nasty tone. "Well at the moment your living in my house and under my rules and I'm not going to let you do this we're going to the hospital right now!" "Get off me you Bustard!" Never had I ever once turned around to my dad and swear at him like I did then anger I forced my injured arm free of his grip the strength I used I didn't realise the power of it. I freed myself but stumbled backwards falling into the chair behind me bashing my already injured arm in the process. Like fire a pain ran up my arm causing me to yell so loudly in pain like I had never had before, I cradled my bleeding arm against my chest screwing my eyes up tightly to stop the tears coming to my eyes.

I was shocked at my friend's behaviour sure he was a rebel in his youth but I would never figure that he would actually swear at his father like that. I looked at him in an admiring way for a moment; I had always wanted to turn around to my father and swear so blindly at him like that but I would not dare not against my father, he would think I was turning into my brother or something. Little Jyou the last son to be a doctor from the Kido family as my older brother Shin had already rebelled, I wish I could but I don't have the power in me to do so. My Dad was the boss of the family everyone did as he said apart from my elder brother the tare away but my father was quick to make sure I was nailed down in his idea of what he wanted to me to be. I had always admired Yamato for his ability to stand up to others but now watching him I could tell this was not the time to be admiring.

I looked worried at Yamato as he fell back onto the chair screaming out in pain, it was beating me up I had no clue what was going on in the older Ishida's head but it must have been like mine but ten times worst with worry. I stared at Yamato sadly I could see he was fighting back tears one thing I knew about him was that he would never let anyone see him cry even when he most wanted to. That was his pride I was so crazy enough to admire since we first went to the digital world together all those years ago.

"Yamato… Son I'm sorry, please let me take you to hospital and get you cleaned up and we'll talk about it later" Mr Ishida spoke in a calm and collected voice, his son didn't reply he had stopped screwing his eyes up but had them closed still. Hiroaki looked back at me suddenly. "Kido, look for a clean cloth or something to slow the bleeding down he needs to go to a hospital at once!" "Yes Sir." I replied at once and was up on my feet into the small kitchen of the apartment looking for anything that would help; now I was pleased that I was being trained as a doctor. I searched though the drawers and cabinets pulling out a clean dishcloth and going through the fridge freezer finding some ice, well it might not be high-quality medical gear but it would do. Rushing back over to where the two Ishida's where, I looked at Yamato as he cradled his arm. His blond hair had fallen onto his paling face his sapphire blue eyes where half closed looking drunkenly at his father in front of him who took all the things from my hands, my eyes lingered on his face before down to his torn arm. Being wrapped up so neatly with ice Yamato did not seem to even react the to the cold placed on his cut. He could have more or less been a statue if it had not been for the red liquid pouring out of his wound staining his white shirt and beige trousers. "Okay this will do for now, Kido help me take him to the hospital before it's…" Hiroaki broke off his words I noted his expression change, he had fear in his eyes though he was trying to hide it, I knew what he was thinking. Before it's too late. I was numbed at the thought I didn't do anything but watch the elder gentleman bend down and pick his son up in both of his arms and carry him to the door, Yamato looking half limp in trying to hold himself up in the arms of his father. I followed closing the door behind us as I followed like a lost puppy behind them.

I didn't reply to my father my head was being to hurt, I felt the ice chilling my skin numbing it though I felt cold already. I gave not protest or fight when I was picked up from the ground into Hiroaki holding me so protectively close to his chest and he carried me out of the apartment. Over his broad shoulder I could just make out the elder teen following us looking so lost and confused. My poor Jyou what have I done but scare my friend I wish he didn't see me like this how this all must be torturing his mind. I watched him as best I could in my situation as he followed us like he was attracted by an invisible rope to where my dad's van lay parked outside. The cold night air nipped at my toes or so I thought it did or was it this cold I felt before taking over me more. Jyou pulled opening the slide door at the side and watched as I was just propped up in the back sit, I looked at him his face was so hurt. I could not look at him anymore I closed my eyes wishing to myself that he would just leave I don't want him to see me like this, I don't want to hurt him anymore what ever happened to me I don't want him to be here. I wished but it did not work I felt a body sit next to me the door slamming shut followed by the sound of another door shutting and the engine starting up. I was afraid to open my eyes to see who was sitting next to me, why was he coming please just get out I don't want you to get hurt leave now.

I opened by eyes and looked at the person next to him, my eyes locking onto the big dark pools two strands of his blue hair had fallen in the way of his left eye, his expression so forlorn and caring. He was indeed a good friend for staying but stupid I don't want him to get hurt I don't want him to see my end, I could here death in my ears already. I don't want him to remember me in my last minutes of life like this; no he was far to precious? Yes to precious to me this horrible and slow death. "Yamato?" His voice it sounded more like an echo, no don't tell me I'm slipping away again I can feel myself going. I reached and clutched onto him taking up as much of the material of his blue blazer and white shirt as I could, my brow resting on his shoulder. br"Don't leave me, please don't let me go." I could feel myself crying, the tears I so longed the shed all my life the tears I sworn that no one may ever to see me cry, I just let go my death was coming I knew it. I clung to him with all the strength I could; no he can't leave me I don't want to go anymore that I want to stay. I felt an arm around me a strong hand holding me on my ribs a faint whisper in my ear. "I'll never leave you a promise" Was I crying more at the sound of these words? I don't know I was feeling more tired now my head was spinning I could barely see anymore with blurs from my tears welling up. I was slipping I can't feel myself holding him as tightly as I was in my one handed grip, I felt like I was falling there's more darkness around me can I hear death breathing on the back of my neck. I'm not ready I refused I don't want to go to death's open arms, he's calling my name I can here it. Please no just take away my pain but let me stay here with the ones I love, Jyou please help me…

I held onto Yamato as he lay on me, my heart was breaking even more as I could heard his sobs and felt his tears falling onto my shoulder, his grip on me was loosing it's strength with each passing second. I was numb I could hear the cars outside and the horn beeping as Hiroaki tried to push his way through all the traffic about us. Though inside this moving automobile was only the silence being every so often cut by the wreaked teen's quiet sobs.

He was like a dead weight against me but I did not care and clung to his lithe body, I could feel him breathing with a more desperate effort quietly murmuring things I could not make out. My poor Yamato I promise not to leave you if you don't leave me. Where did my rebel go? Where was his fighting spirit that I have admired for so long? I beg to all the powers that be don't take him away from this world. He has his whole life in front of him, he's loved by everyone he has so many fans who adore his musical talent his friends and family, Gabumon he waited forever to find Yamato. He can't go not when there are so many people out there who love him, so many people his death will hurt along with them all I will be crushed. I care and love him too much to allow him to die; I'm not going to let him go not with out me trying to help him. Am I right? Did I say I loved him well maybe I do after all these years I've watched admired and looked up to him I guess I do love him after the events of the Digi-world he'd said he owed me for looking after his younger brother. Well you can repay that debt for staying alive. I pulled his alittle closer to me as I felt his grip loosen from my shirt and blazer. He coughed only slightly but it was enough to make his whole form shake he was just becoming so weak even the tea towel on his arm was showing signs of the blood loss. "Hold on Yamato, we're almost there just five more streets" I said rubbing his shoulder reassuringly not like it would help that much to him.

My head spinning like it was stuck on those swing chairs going around and around, I felt tired my eyelids felt as if the mere lashes weighed a ton, that I couldn't open them. I feel like I'm falling now my senses going with me wherever I was going, was I drowning in this darkness? I can hear a voice whose voice? Jyou? My head is swimming I opened my eyes all I can see his the dark colour of his blazer the faint smell of his after-shave. It must have been him he was talking he said something then there was a long pause then more talking, another voice my fathers. I can't heard what their saying there's a wailing of wind in my ears how is that? Oh god I feel so tired let me sleep maybe the pain will leave me once more. I closed my eyes once more I'll just sleep for alittle while I'll dream up something better than this hell I created. "Yamato, Yamato" A voice echoing in my head, what do you want I'm tired let me sleep and dream for a while I'll come back, I felt two hands drag me from where I was a breeze hit my face, there was some sound of noise and high-pitched wailing. Where was I the hospital? I forced my eyes open yet again the world was blurry there where figures running here and there sliding doors, my feet where on t he floor now. My legs shook under the weigh of my own being my knees buckled I about to crumble to the floor how a rug doll would when left to stand on it's own legs unaided. Someone caught me a strong arm latched it's around my under my arms across my chest, faintly I could smell that cologne again that Jyou wore. I turned my head to see him around him was a blur but his face looked focused and perfect his expression I could see it but I didn't register it in my brain. I've become stupid in this slow death and the numbing pain of my arm once forgotten for a bliss moment but back as the ice was all gone. I moved my eyes off the face and looked at my wrapped up wrist, the tea-bowl was stained with the crimson red liquid that flowed from the torn flesh beneath it the white cloth was made to look dark compared to my paling skin. The blood on this makeshift bandage is my own, how much do I bleed, how much of this liquid do I have inside me or did have? Oh looking at it my stomach knotted up and jumped, I feel sick more now my head it was making the sights around me dance and swim in colours, red was over my vision I felt sick. Once more my stomach jumped so hard my shoulder and head moved forward and then and then I vomited up what ever contains my stomach contained.

Here I am, Ishida Yamato the front man for Teenage Wolves being held up on his own feet his wrist bleeding out his life force, hair fallen out of it's style and sweat and dark rings around those bright blue eyes. Forcing himself backwards after vomiting up what ever dignity was left in this young rock star, looking at the blurry world I can't make out in detail no longer the sounds, smells fading away a darkness falling over now so I may sleep. I close my eyes once more to this world I'm going I've slipped I will dream now as my body wills it, to my friends and family I say good night to you all and that I loved you. Remember me…

We where at the hospital I held fast on to Yamato while his father dashed after the paramedics, stewards and which ever doctor yelling for help. I talked to Yamato as his father told me too, try and keep him with us try and get him to focus on a voice he said. His face turned to mine he looked confused he was staring at me like I was some stranger I could see my face reflected in those clear blue pools, I only wish I knew what he was thinking. I watched him in a sadden way as he stared at his own arm in horror, oh I wish I could read minds and read what this blond urchin was thinking what was crawling around his brain. I felt him lurch beside me as the stomach contents splattered across the paved floor outside of the hospital just missing my shoes, oh it made me want to be sick now. Though I felt him stand up with a greater strength in him his eyes looked wide before closing slowly his whole entire body seemed to have shut off as he fell backwards. It was a good thing I was here to hold him and catch him before his head cracked on the hard concrete.

My Yamato, I held onto him trying to shake him again I could not hardly feel his chest moving to take in the oxygen he needed to fill his lungs, my dark eyes where crying now as I tired to rouse my friend, my best friend even. He lay in my arms pale and while his fair hair away hanging off the angelic face, like those of statues in a peaceful slumber. Others came taking him out of my arms lifting him onto a trolley bed saying medical things quickly out each other, I knew what they where I'd studied them for so long and the equipment they where requesting at once. Fluids, Drugs, crash cart, oxygen mask, pints of blood all the things now becoming mixed in my ears as I watched them race off with the bed. Yamato lying so still as if he was made out of marble from his complexion so silent with the babble of noise about him. I went to run after them but was grabbed by a nurse holding me back. "I sorry you can't follow him, please will you follow me to the relatives room." I stood but allowed myself to be steered into the cosy little room along with Hiroaki who was shocked and looked like he was fighting back the tears in his dark brown eyes, he felt the same as me or worst even as that was his son. I felt wrong to be here I wasn't related, I was a friend and I knew that I did not want to stay in here. My father was a doctor I knew what this room was about they shoved desperate family members or people who care for a victim in here away from a waiting room to give them bad news. Oh please don't let this be bad news, Yamato don't you dare leave us here don't leave me.


	2. Fixing the Broken Pieces

_**Created: 9th June 2003 **_

**My Glass Doll**

**Chapter 2 Fixing The Broken Peices.**

White. Everything is white that's all I can see where the hell am I? Did I really die and this is the afterlife I see before by eyes? Slowly things in front of me began to start swimming back into focus, shapes of objects faint smells and noises all coming back to me. With my eyes the slow vision forming I could make out the outline of a bed all covered in white sheets, wires coming from sacks and bleeping noising from machines at the side of my head. My head it felt dizzy just taking in these sights my senses being switched back on like a light, one by one but powering up calling on any reserve of energy it could find in my body. My brain groggy from trying to remember everything that happened and working out the place I was lying.

A hospital bed this was where I am for sure. What else could be so white and the faint humming and bleeping of a life support machine mixed up with the distinctive smells of disinfectant that clouded the air of hospitals. But how did I get here, all I can remember… what do I remember? My mind can't work so fast to answer to my own question. There's something on my face that itches what on earth is it? I reached to try and grab it though at first my hand didn't want to move from my side, it felt so heavy even my commandment from my brain for it to move, my arm up would not let it happen. Had I forgot how to control this mortal frame I was in? I heard myself mumble something softly before my hand actually went up to my face and to take off this thing that was itching my face, a breathing mask? What happened to me that could make me have something to breathe for me putting precious air into my lungs which now my own mouth and nose were doing for me as usual.

'Ani-kun?' Came a small voice to my ears, I could not register the owner of the voice though I knew the words and I heard the emotion but just could not sort it out in my brain. I allowed my eyes to drift towards the source of the noise to a figure sitting close to me. The figure was young and male with a mess of blond hair and two blue eyes like my own staring back at me I could read his emotions now it was of a worried nature or was it a wondering happiness? 'Ani-kun? Yama-San?' A young teenage male voice just at the developing of a broken voice such as the nature of young teens, I felt the hand that I had taken the breathing mask off with clasped.

"OtÜto, Takeru?" I asked my voice was sluggish I could hear no emotion just so flat and expressionless, no character unlike my usual voice I know of. But my reply I could feel my hand being gripped harder and a white grin spreading over the young boy face. The joyful expression I know and love so much of my younger brother.

'Oh Yamato your awake this is so great! We have been worried about you, no one thought you where going to make it through the night yesterday…wait don't go anywhere I'm going to get Mum and Dad…Stay where you are don't go away!' He said these words so fast that my brain had to take a second to go over each word, I felt his grip leave my hand and watched as he ran out the door calling for a doctor and my parents.

I fancied that I was feeling stronger with each passing second that I was getting my senses back totally only my brain was alittle slow; a whole numb state had taken over my right hand. I looked down and could see a neatly wrapped bandage covering my whole wrist and the lower part of my palm. So this was the end of that wound I have given myself no blood was noticeable to make me ill again or feel the warm liquid run down my arm once more. Just a white bandage which now my skin was still so pale it made the bandages look a shade of grey. I tried to force myself alittle higher in the bed from my lying down state but only managed so far as to the tops of my shoulder blades onto the pillow. Not as high as I wanted to as I wanted to sit up but this will do, my strength still has yet to totally come back from this accident which has happened.

I heard a movement from the hallway and just looked up as people started to flood into the room; my parents and younger brother with a doctor and another male, the blue haired youth Jyou. How long has he been here? Surly not all this time, come to think of it how long have I actually been here? Before I could even ask that question my mother seemed to have caught me in a half embrace kissing me on the cheek. I was stopped by this I have not in a long time never had this much affection from my mother, not since my parents divorce and that was way over 11 years ago. 'Oh Yamato you have had me so worried don't you ever do anything like this again.' Her voice seemed to be so heavy in emotion she had removed herself from hugging me but was holding on to my left hand as if I was about to try and run off somewhere, not like I really could. She was looking at me before the Doctor politely coughed to get our attention to him. 'Hum sorry, well Mr Ishida you have been very lucky that you got to the hospital just in time. But there are some measures of treatment we have to put you on now.'

'I assure you doctor this will only happens the once.' My father butted in looking at the doctor nervously as he flipped a piece of paper on his clip-board, if my dad was feeling nervous he was defiantly feeling it for me. What sort of treatments aren't I just going to be sent home with some painkillers?

'I'm sorry Mr Ishida, Yamato will have to have weekly sessions with a Psychologist and will have to be put on a mixed treatment of drugs to help in recovery. Though he will have to stay in for some over night observations but after that we allow him home.'

So I just have to stay here for a couple of nights then I will get to go home that's good, I don't know what it is about hospitals but they give off a weird vibe I don't like. They just feel uncomfortable surly other people might feel the same way about these places.

I have been in this hospital for hours well if I want to be a doctor I was certainly getting used to the place, I didn't want to go home I wanted to know how Yamato was doing. I was hanging around in the waiting room while his brother and mother arrived though I could not stand waiting around doing nothing. I'm glad now I am a med. student as I was able to go and help to do some trivial things, well it's work experience plus my father was on call so it was better for me to show I was trying to learn something whilst waiting. Though when the news came from Takeru that Yamato had woken up from his long sleep I think my heart stopped and breathed a huge sigh of relief, I had been very worried more than I am normally. I was not really doing the small pieces of work because I hated waiting I did but more of a reason was to try and get my mind off things that one of my best friends was rushed in because of a suicide attempt. I was truly afraid when we got him here that he had died in my arms, well for a spilt second he might have been but the team of doctors on call saved his life though this sign he had woken up was definitely a good one.

I followed the anxious family of the Ishida and Takiashi as well as the doctor who had been in charge when Yamato was brought in to talk about the treatments he will need once he lives the Hospital. I was not that much of a Med. student I could only guess what medication he will have to take most likely two types of painkillers or so I could guess. I noticed Yamato's eyes flash once more in my direction before looking at his parents, those sapphire eyes where breathtaking I could get lost in those eyes if his gaze lasted longer on me.

I watched as Miss Takiashi brushing Yamato's long golden hair out of his face in the way only mother's could do, I had never seen Yama be so close to his mother and clearly now I could see where his looks had mainly come from. "Well the doctors have done their observations there will be a bed made in spare bedroom where I can keep a better eye on you until your well again, then we can make some other arrangements…" "Excuse me Natsuko what is that meant to mean?" "It means Hiroaki. I want both of my sons under my roof that way I can keep a much better eye on their behaviour so nothing like this happens. Clearly as usual you where thinking about work more than the well being of your son!"

I began to watch nervously along with the doctor and Takeru as Natsuko and Hiroaki where glaring at each other like one would drop dead in a second, beginning up an heated argument on parenting skills and whose will be more able to care for the injured teenager. "We had an agreement that I looked after Yamato and your look after Takeru." "Yes well I want both the boys with me!" "Please Mr Ishida and Miss Takaishi could you keep your voices down this is a hospital people are needing their rest…"

The doctor had bravely stepped in between the two trying to stop their argument and calm them down. Well he was brave or so I will dub him being as both their faces had be turned into a twisted mask of anger and screaming at one another ignoring the doctors attempt interruptions. Takeru was standing close to the door looking like a lost and frightened child his own sapphire eyes locked closely on his two shouting parents, the loud yells where even making me nervous and the scene of fighting parents brought up a bad memory from my own family. The day I lost my self-confidence and turned me into a spine-less wimp until I got it back in the Digital World. "I agreed that Yamato would be my responsibly and you are not going to take him away from me Natsuko! I am not going to let you break my family up anymore by taking both -" "SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!"

The whole room had jumped faces turning towards the youth holding himself up to sit with all his recovering strength he could muster shouting for silence. I had not looked at Yamato while his parents fought I could see his rounded broad shoulder shaking either from emotion or under the strain of his body to sit up. His face was looking down into his lap so his hair hid his pale face his left hand clutching tightly to the white hospital sheets around him. "Oh Yamato you should be resting" Natsuko's voice has soften she moved to put her feminine hands on his shoulders though he moved his body away from her reaching grasp dismissive. "No…You two don't know anything." "But Yamato-San we-" "Shut Up!"

I could not hold my head up to look at the people in the room my body was struggling enough to even keep me up like this and also I could feel salty tear in stinging my eyes. I hated people seeing me cry and I was not going to allow my family my dearest loved ones to see me. I knew they where all watching me I could feel their eyes upon my person, the room had gone silent all expect the bleeping heart monitor that had doubled it's high pitched beeps. I did not need that machine to know my heart was beating more I could feel it inside my rib cage pumping away forcing me to breathe more heavily, my lungs where being to burn and ache trying to breath in some oxygen. I must speak now this silence will give them a chance to shut me up but I don't want to be silent I hate my parents arguing. I had to put up with it most of the young childhood I had a full memory of what that divorce was like, all that fighting and screaming then being whisked away from the only home I knew leaving behind my beloved little brother and mother.

"I hate it when you two argue, you two act like children sometimes and you are talking about me like I'm some sort of toy not your son. Because of your fighting I can barely remember when we all lived together as a happy family, a normal family. When you spilt up did you ever think how it would have affected Takeru or me? You didn't did you?" I had to pause for breath and to gather some words, all the room was silent and I knew I they where looking at me and I had their full attention on me. Good I want them to hear me and to know what I am feeling I have to get this off my chest to let them know for once and for all what I think and why I tried to kill myself or maybe half the reason. "Have you ever wondered why I was so distant from you two? It's because after we all spilt up I figured I should not talk about my feelings and that you didn't want to be together that you did not want me. So I pushed everyone away because I didn't want to be hurt again…. I want us to be a normal family without all the fighting….I want to be alone now go away!"

My body was trembling so much now and the tears where running down my cheeks, no one should see these tears falling from my eyes. I stopped holding myself up my back was aching too much, sliding down into the bed using my left hand I pulled the cover high over my head and turned my face away from the visitors as my tears started pouring in full flow. The room was so quiet though the door creaked on its opening hinges and the doctor's voice quiet them calm spoke out. I think Yamato needs some rest if you all please follow me we'll talk somewhere else." There were the hushed steps of them leaving the room, leaving me alone with my tears and emotions. How can my own wonders make me so upset they where just my real thoughts how can I cry so much over saying them aloud? This almost death experince has made me weak.

My face might have been half buried and hidden in white sheets and a pillow though I could still feel a pair of lingering eyes on me silent and steady, I knew who this person was. I squeezed my eyes harder together in a hopeless battle to stop the tears coming from my emotionally torn and weak body.

Jyou why are you always here for me this event I did not want you to be involved in I didn't want you to see my pain and tears but you have been here like a reliable shadow. I didn't want you here but you are here and I'm truly grateful for the fact you're here with me. I'm happy you've always been here for me.

"Yama-kun put your oxygen mask on it will help you breathe better." I walked to the side of his bed handing him the clear plastic breathing apparatus, after his strong and emotional words everyone seemed to have forgotten that I was standing amongst his family listening to him finally speak those words he had no doubt been waiting to say. I stood watching the hidden figure beneath the sheets I knew he was crying his shoulders and breathing patterns where giving it away though no sign of a tear I could see. My poor Yamato I wish I knew more what was going on inside that mind of yours, I had truly fallen in love with you and for me to see you upset and in pain does hurt me. I wish I could say something to make you happy to make you confide in me everything you have locked away in that heart of yours. You don't let many people close to your heart I know that only a special few are allow but I to so desperately be one of those people. I want to help you and to protect you from pain.

A slender pale hand emerged from the sheet opened palmed there I place the mask into his outstretched hand, regrettably I felt my feet move me towards the door and my fingertips touch the cool doorknob. I looked back to him once more with a defeated and sad smile at the blond singer. "I'll make sure no one come in here so you can get some rest" I heard my own voice hushed like I was in a temple and trying to keep it's holy silence. I slowly opened the door taking my steps to leave but a weak voice caught me ears. "Thank you Jyou."

I smiled more happily not bothering to turn around I let the door close behind me, the younger needed his rest. You don't need to thank me Yamato I thank you for being a fighter and staying with us on this earth alittle while longer.


	3. My Fraglie Glass Doll

**_Created: 9th June 2003_**

**My Glass Doll **

**Chapter 3 My Fragile Glass Doll.**

Geez how much sunlight comes into this room? It's blinding, I'll need to get a better blind all this sunlight makes my eyes hurt more than my head. I moved my hand to rub my eye to get rid of the sleep but was way off the mark and my hand hit the pillow. I feel so stupid; it's all these pills I'm taking. Two types of painkillers, sleeping pills, anti-depression and some other type of pill which I don't know what it does but the doctors definitely knew how to make a good cocktail of these drugs. This cocktail is basically making me sleep all day or when I am awake I can't even do the simplest things without help; these pills have made my brain so numb and slow. Think that might have been the idea so I don't injure myself again- not like that is going to happen anytime soon. I rolled over on my bed looking at the time on my alarm clock, midday? I woke up earlier today and managed to change clothes without help and I fell asleep again! Stupid pills, I hate doctors and medication.

I heard myself groan hoarsely before sitting up carefully avoiding my injured arm. I was let out of hospital a week ago but home is really the only real place I have been. I've had company ever since my slight outburst, my parents being more friendly with each other even my mother staying over for the night or coming over early to check on me though I would always be asleep. I love this for once this broken family is under one roof, I can see my mother more and everyday when I'm awake I notice little things; glances, a smile, a simple touch of the hand between my parents they seem to be happier. All this because I stupidly tried to kill myself just to bring the two back together, selfishly I wish I had done it earlier if I knew what the affects of it might have been to my mum and dad. I don't want this happy family bubble to burst anytime soon. I like it too much but no doubt it will burst one day like everything else; the arguments might start up again. After all the reason I see them both more now is because another factor the hospital enforced for my recovery; a minder. Just to keep an eye on me taking my medication, don't attempt anything and also to help me as I get so doped up I need to be watched if I have a bath or something in case I go to sleep. I've given up being embarrassed about the fact my mum now washes my hair for me like I'm alittle kid, it's just one of those things that won't past the front door anyway.

I brushed back my hair from my face and looked down at myself the distinct smell of sweat was coming from the clothes I was wearing and they where only fresh on this morning. I mumbled at myself I was still so tired I couldn't even have words to say to myself as I kicked off my cord trousers and pulled off my T-shirt grabbing at a clean one on top of a small wash pile my mother had left. No need to bother about trousers I was wearing long boxers and really the other people here will be my dad or mum like I give a dam about having my legs covered in front of family. Getting to my feet I slowly wondered to the door now on the start of a small search for the bathroom so I could try and wake myself up with cold water. I pushed the door open with my left hand before moving it up to rub the sleep out of my eyes though only got as far as one step outside the door before my vision noticed a blue haired person on the sofa turn around to look at me.

Even with the noise of the beginning from the film I was watching on television. I heard the movement of feet and a door opening behind me, I managed just in time to turn as see the teenager take a step in to the main room of the apartment. I couldn't help myself but to grin at the sight of the new person in the room. Those blond longish locks where sleep tangled and lay around his handsome face in a sort of mane, bewitching sapphire blue pools lazy with sleep looking at me so deeply it sent a shivers down my spine. What he was wearing boxers and a white T-shirt-I would guess a size too small. I had to bite my tongue from saying or making some sort of noise. I was falling more and more each time I saw him, one look will set my heart alight. He clearly looked as though my presence gave him a surprise; it was a cute look for him. 'Where's my mum or my dad?'

He asked walking over to where I was seating to lean on the sofa to make sure to stay up on his feet as he looked around for any signs of his parents. 'Apparently some journalist from your mother's work place saw you at the hospital that night and took some photos and wrote a story, he was just about to publish it. But someone gave your mum a tip off. So they have both gone to try and keep the true story covered up so not to damage your career… I just came over to drop some get well soon things off for you from the gang.' I gestured to a small pile on the coffee table the blond noted before walking around from behind the sofa to sit beside me, which was alittle bit of a squeeze as a blanket and pillow where piled on the edge. 'Do they know the true story?' He said sadly as he leaned forward and picked up a stuffed teddy bear that had a bandage around its head, playing with it's small paw before looking back at me. 'Nope they don't know only your brother and Hikari but she promised not to tell Taichi… We just said you had an accident and cut yourself badly, I didn't want to tell them anything unless you want to-' 'I don't want them to know' He snapped fiercely at me that it seemed to take both him and myself by surprise.

Where did the volume in my voice come from? I haven't spoken that loud in a long while and poor Jyou is looking at me as though I wounded deeply with my tone. I didn't mean to yell he was just helping me out. 'I'm sorry I didn't mean to… Who got me this thing anyway?' I asked keeping my eyes on the bear in my hands, I felt the elder beside me relax and edge if it was possible nearer to me. 'Guess' 'Well couldn't have been Mimi she's still in American, erm Miyako?' A chuckle came in reply I knew I guessed right I grinned putting the bear down and noticing a bunch of flowers in a half arranged order and a card's corner just visible in the blossom. 'This must be from Sora- she's getting better.' I glanced at Jyou and could see him watching me with a smile as I plucked out the card to read aloud. 'Get well soon love…wow everyone has signed this! What the hell is that by Daisuke's name?' I felt Jyou lean closer to look over my shoulder; his hand was on my arm it gave me a funny tingling feeling and his head being so near to mine. 'I think it's meant to be a microphone or possibly a deformed football.' I had to laugh well it was a nice thought what ever Daisuke was trying to do next to his signature though each one of Jyou's breaths where tickling the back of my neck every time he exhaled as he carried on leaning over my shoulder. It was an odd feeling and again that tingling feeling returned to me again running down my spine that it made me fidget suddenly as though I had just had an electric shock. The blue haired boy leaned backwards even if the sides of our legs where still touching. I smiled setting the card in front of us, it was nice for everyone to send me these well wishes even if the truth was hidden from them. Nice to know in this world there are some people care for me when I had almost had enough of it. How stupid I was to try and throw away my life forgetting I had great friends, who care for me just as much as I do for them. Though there has been during this whole time one friend that has been there for me even at my worst an unsung hero in the redeeming of my life.

I turned to look at the just slightly older boy beside me though his eyes where not on me but looking ahead at the flickering images on the television screen. 'Thanks Jyou for being there for me.' He carried on looking at the screen as though he had not heard me but after a moment's paused he replied turning his head to stare at me with those inky black eyes. 'You don't have to thank me Yamato.' 'No Jyou I have to. If it wasn't for you I might have died you where the one who found me… Don't say my dad would have found me if you hadn't, you kept me going and you where there for me. Your not only a good friend you know, you've been my hero more than once and I'm never going to let you forget that fact.' Before he had time to fully turn around I don't know why I just had this huge urge inside of me that just flung my arms around his waist and held him tightly, hearing his heartbeat start to go a fraction faster as I rested my head on his chest. With this action he must understand that I valued his friendship, his care and the fact he is always there with that one trait I loved him for. He was a reliable guardian angel.

I sat stunned by this sudden action of being hugged by him- this one that I liked, I was falling in love with him. I sighed and looked down at him I didn't mind if he thought he was going to keep reminding me of the that fact that I was his hero as he put it. I didn't see myself in that way, I was just doing what was best that I would do for anyone. I looked across at the television where the main character was watching his own television set, it was funny I was watching him and flicked my gaze the blond lying on me I felt like some version of Big Brother. Watching over everyone.

I started to feel the grip around my waist loosen and the other teen's body feel alittle heavier than it had been. I looked down once again at the head on my chest though those two blue eyes I adored of his where closed, the medication he was on no doubt doing their job like his mother had said would happen if he woke up. I couldn't help but smile and as delicately as I could so not to disturb him brush some of his golden hair off his forehead to look at his face better. He looked so peaceful in that way most people looked while they are sleeping, at ease with the world all worries gone so their are only dreams to think on. I don't think he would ever realise how much admiration I had for him; he had beautiful looks, a brilliant mind though some people didn't release it and he has a great talent for the music he creates. As carefully as I could I leaned forward and kissed his forehead I had just cleared of hair, he barley seemed to have noticed what I did he was so far off in his dreams. I loved him and what ever happened I was always going to be looking out for him. From what had just happened recently made me feel that he was like a china doll, so easy to break but now their where so many people watching him wanting to take care of him. But to me he was my fragile glass doll.


End file.
